


Everything for you

by Krax



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hallucinations, M/M, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Wincestiel - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:07:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25155184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krax/pseuds/Krax
Summary: Going from wincest to wincestiel.Sam feels lonely, sad and depressed, his love for Dean and his current relationship with Castiel making it harder for him to fight Lucifer(hallucination).
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Castiel/Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester, Lucifer/Sam Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 29





	Everything for you

The car was moving in the cold night, Sam in shotgun, Castiel in the back and Dean driving, singing along the tune, making Castiel question the older Winchester's music taste.

\- I don't understand, why would puertorican women be part of the consolation process?

\- Because I miss you!

Dean answered, singing, making Castiel frown in confusion.

\- It's just a song, babe.

Dean looks at Castiel trough the mirror, smiling at his angel.

"His angel", Sam thought to himself. It has been few months since they were together, and Sam was really happy for his brother, he really was but...he couldn't help it but feel...left out, like the third wheel.

But who is he to hope for more? He is...the abomination, he should be happy just because they didn't kicked him out yet...or...

-Could you be more pathetic, Sammy?

Sam continues his thinking process while looking outside the window, thinking about his presence, his purpose, if he was a burden. All while trying to ignore the hallucination behind him, Lucifer sitting leg crossed in the back seat.

\- Not a hallucination.

Sam closed his eyes, trying to ignore the presence.

\- Sammy!

He snaps suddenly, jointing himself awake from the deep thoughts he was having.

\- What's the matter with you, man? I called you like 3 times.

His brother's green eyes were searching him, looking for any damage.

\- Nothing, I was thinking about the case.

He smiles, hoping Dean would believe him.

\- Well, we are here.

\- Good, I got this.

Sam opens the car door and leaves to talk to the lady, it was late and they needed sleep before searching for monsters.

\- What's wrong with Sam, Cas? He seems so ... weird lately.

Dean and Castiel sit near the car, waiting for the younger man to come back with a key.

\- I don't know, Dean, but I noticed it too.

The angel's words only made Dean even more worried, because if Cas noticed it, and he has as much knowledge about human emotions as a loaf of bread, something was clearly wrong with Sammy.

He noticed his brother coming back to them, tossing Dean a key while holding another one in his hands.

\- You got two rooms? Why?

Sam shrugs uncomfortable, looking down instead of looking at him.  
He couldn't say how much it hurts to see them together, how much it hurt him to be unwanted.

\- And how much it hurts you aren't getting your brother's dick.

Lucifer said pitifully, clearly mocking the younger Winchester.

\- I thought you might like some privacy.

Sam smiles, showing his dimples in the moon light and starts walking to his room.

Dean checked the key number, at least they were near each other.

\- Do we make him uncomfortable?

Dean thought out loud, he always tried not to make Sam feel left out, because he wasn't, he didn't said it often but he loves Sam a lot, more than words could explain. And the fact the was with Cas now it didn't meant he loved Sammy any less.

\- I hope not. 

The angel said placing a hand over Dean shoulder, patting it slowly while Dean let his chin on it, smiling.

\- I'll talk with him...we will figure it out.

Sam closed the door, looking at the room.  
One bed with some bad taste decorations on the wall, pastel green paint and a tv in front. A small table near the window.

\- And a handsome devil.

Lucifer smirked, coming from behind Sam, sitting down on the bed.

Sam sighs, placing his bag off after taking some necessities for his night routine.

He was amazed that Lucifer didn't followed him to the bathroom, usually he was everywhere.

He wasn't in the room either, Sam noticed, after coming out from the bathroom.

He smiles to himself, for once he could actually fall asleep in peace.

Sam exhales sleeply, stretching his long body, feet hitting the end of the bed, the cold bedframe sending shivers in his body.

Sam falls asleep.

\---

The sun was rising already, which made Sam sit on his elbow in wonder, then move his head at the nightstand, checking his phone for the time.

4 am.

He raises his eyebrows in surprise, letting himself fall back on the bed sheets.

It was years since he slept more than two hours without waking up, without an hour insomnia and eventually sleeping another hour.

He looked around, Lucifer wasn't there.  
It was one of the good days, one where he was alone, and the odds decided he got good sleep too.

Sam smiles to himself.

It was too early to start the day, and he didn't want to leave the bed yet, considering he has an entire room for himself.

He lowers his right hand over his shirt, stroking the underwear fabric, his dick hardening over the touch.

Sam wonders if Dean and Cas used their privacy too.  
Do they even have sex? Sam was with them all the time.

They probably did now.

He couldn't feel jelous, he tried to stop himself thinking about it. Dean was happy, it's all that matters.

He strokes his dick harder, trying to shut the thoughts.

With his freehand he lifts his shirt, abs visible in the beautiful sunrise light.

Sam breathe frequency rises in anticipation. He lets his fingertips flit over his skin, setting shivers along his body.

He tightens his fist around it and drags it up. His throat constricts around a groan as he tosses his head back, hearing a dull thunk as it nudges the headboard. His dick gives an encouraging throb under his fingers as his free hand slides down his stomach, then up again, across his chest and down once more to rest against his hip bone.

He can't help it, he thinks of Dean, his hands on him, his lips kissing him, his warm breathe near his skin.

His hand speeds up, his brother imagine vivid in his mind.

But a laugh wakes him up from the trance.

Sam opens his eyes widely, seeing Lucifer in bed near him, smiling widely, looking amused at him.

\- Thinking of your brother when jerking off, Sammy?

He frooze, he wanted to move, to sit up, to yell and run, but he couldn't.

Lucifer grabs his wrist violently, making Sam shift, trying to make him let go. But he couldn't.

He squeezes his hand tighter, making Sam groan from the pain.

\- Aren't you a cockslut, Sammy?

Lucifer lowers his head, Sam feelins his warm breathe on his lips.

\- He has the angel, Sammy. Can you compete with that?

Lucifer lets go of his wrist, making Sam quickly sit up, backing away to the door.

But Lucifer teleports in front of it.

\- I mean an angel, Sam. 

He said, as he was actually thinking deeply about it.

\- And you? The demon blood addict?

Lucifer steps closer, making Sam back away.

\- The one who freed me?

He smiled widely when Sam's back hit the wall.

Lucifer puts his hand on Sam's chest.

\- After what i did to you in the cage? Nobody would want you Sammy.

\- You are not real.

Sam closes his eyes, trying hard to grip himself to reality but all he could feel was the Devil's hand on his body.

\- Of course I am. You are mine Sammy, my vessel. I own you, to do what i want with you.

He comes closer, kissing Sam's lips.

He closes his eyes, trying to move his face, but Lucifer holds him in place.

\- I mean, I know I'm not Dean....

His eyes turn red, smiling defiously.

-...but a cock is a cock, Sammy.

\- Don't, please.

Sam didn't want to go through that again, the cage memories ... the....

A tear fell from his eye.

Lucifer licked it, his saliva feeling like acid on his skin.

\- Don't...what, Sammy?

Lucifer lets him move again, till now using his powers to make the Winchester stay still.

\- Come on, not running? Not yelling? It's not fun if you stay there and take it like a rigid nun.

\- Fuck you, you are not real.

\- Does it matter, Sammy? Either I'm real, with you, either you are hallucinating about me. Me...we are made for each other, my vessel.

Sam lowers his body, hitting the floor under him.  
He breaths faster, scared of what is to come.

He can't do it again, he can't handle that again.

He starts hyperventilating.

***  
Castiel was sitting on a chair, looking at Dean.

The hunter was sleeping on his back, snoring softly.

Castiel smiles, thinking of the time Dean described watching over him as "creepy" but now he enjoys it.

Or so he believes, but looking at his soul shining bright in comfort, he truly believes Dean doesn't find it creepy anymore.

Castiel raises up from the chair, his attention caught by negativity...by Sam's fear.  
His soul felt ...about to tear.

He teleported into his room, looking for any threats, but didn't saw anyone, just the hunter, on the floor.

He was breathing heavily, shaking his head, his eyes lost.

\- Sam?

Castiel comes closer, lowering himself near Sam.

Castiel regonised this as a panick attack, he never saw one until now so he didn't knew what to do.

He decided to use his powers to calm him.

The angel touched his forehand, Sam eyes gaining perspective again, his breathe slowly back to normal.

\- Sam, are you ok?

He blinks a few times before nodding.

The angel smiles, trying fo comfort him.

\- Let's sit up.

He knew it wasn't a good idea to touch him too suddenly, so he just raised his hands for Sam to take, which he did.

Cas helped Sam sit up, guiding him to the bed, helping him sit back down, still holding his hands.

\- What happened? 

\- I...Lucider he...

Sam opens his eyes widely, looking arouns in terror, analysing every corner, until he stop on the door. Sitting back up, trembling his way over the nightstand, falling back on the floor.

\- Sam, there's nobody here.

Castiel moved to sit near him.

\- You can't see him?

\- No, it's just us here. 

Cas lifted the hunter again, analysing Sam's worried face.

\- It's not real, Sam. He can't hurt you.

The angel helps Sam sit back down on the bed.

\- Do you want me to sit with you?

The angel asked for which Sam quickly nodded.

He moves to sit on the other side, smiling encouraging.

Sam lays down near him.

\- It's ok, Sam, I won't leave. Rest, I will watch over you.

Sam knew he shouldn't but he had to, had to touch him, like an anchor to reality. If Cas was here nothing would happen.

He rises his hand slowly, placing it on the angel's.

To his surprise Castiel didn't rejected him, he didn't seem to mind.

\- Really, Sam? You are falling for the angel too?

Lucifer looks to him from over the edge of the bed.

\- What would Dean think, touching his boyfriend like that?

****

Sam takes his hand away, squizzing his eyes tight in terror.

\- Sam, I'm here.

Castiel places a hand on his shoulder, lowering himself, hugging Sam.

\- It's fine, it's not real. 

He managed to calm him down, whispering him kind words for a few minutes until he falls asleep again.

The door opens slowly, Dean's green eyes showing themselves from behind the cheap motel door.

He looks a bit surprised but mostly worried.

\- What's going on?

Dean comes closer, sitting down on the bed, looking at the angel, his eyed falling on the hand Cas was holding tight.

\- Sam had a panic attack last night.

Dean frowns in confusion. 

\- A panic attack? Why? What happened? Is he fine?

Cas placed his free hand on Dean's shoulder, making him calm down.

\- I couldn't understand much from last time, he was scared. But I think he...

Castiel stopped, thinking of how to say it without making Dean yell, get scared.

\- He what?

Dean asked, clearly worried.

\- He sees Lucifer, he saw him as he fell asleep and...

\- What?!

Dean sits up, gesticulating in confusion but mostly worried. Sam was seeing things?

He moves his eyes to Sam who woke up from his yelling.

\- Dean?

Sam looks over at his hand, held by Castiel and realises how he was cuddled against the angel.

His darkest nightmares didn't compare to this...what Dean thinks? Seeing him like this? With his boyfriend?

He already saw Dean leaving him.

He sits up suddenly.

\- Dean, I'm so sorry, it's... .It's not what it looks like. I had ..this and Castiel he...

Sam couldn't articulate anything as Dean moved closer to him.

Sam closed his eyes tight, gluing himself against the wall.

Dean touches his cheek.

\- Damn it Sammy, why didn't you tell me? I'm sorry I didn't noticed... Sammy? 

Dean cups his cheeks and Sam opens his eyes, surprise on his face.

\- You aren't angry?

\- For not telling me about Lucifer, a little.

Dean pats his cheek and pulls Sam into a hug.

\- It's going to be ok, alright? I got you.

Sam could melt in his embrace, he inhaled deeply Dean's smell and let himself enjoy the feeling of Dean's body against him...the heat, the protection, the...love.

It was perfect.

Sam smiled until Dean pulled away slowly.

\- Are you ok?

Sam was glad Dean didn't bomb him with questions right away, glad he knew he needed some time to think how and what to tell him.

\- Yes, I'm good...a little hungry.

Sam laughed softly, feeling the emptiness in his stomach.

\- That we can fix. Get dressed, I saw a diner across the street.

Sam nods and looks around for his pants, awkwardly realising he was in underwear 'till this point.

He puts on his jeans and goes to the bathroom as Dean sat down on the bed, near Cas.

He sighs.

\- Can't you heal him?

Dean asked, looking over at the angel.

\- I don't know... I tried last...last night. But Sam...he doesn't have just...a mental disease...

Dean swallows painfully at that sentence.

-...this are scars from hell, deep into his soul. 

The angel continuous and Dean drags his palms across his face, desperation filling his heart.

\- ...but, we can be here for him. He seemed better last night...with me. I assume your presence would help even more.

\- That's it? Pamper him back into sanity?

The door opens and Dean turns his head.

Sam looked better.

\- Look at you, all nice and clean.

Dean took Sam's jacket from the chair and handed him over to the younger hunter.

\- Let's go.

He prompted to the front door, Castiel and Sam following him to the diner.

They enter and sit at a table, close to the large window.

Dean sits on the right side and Castiel slides in on the other side, followed by Sam.

The dinner looked nice, simply decorated with red and white, mostly tiles and a lot of posters with waffles.

A waitresses, young, mid twenties, long black hair and black eyes came to their table, asking them what they would like.

\- A slice of that ass.

The devil's voice commented.

Sam moved his head to the seat in front of Cas, near Dean.

It couldn't stay empty forever, Lucifer was there, looking at their waitress.

\- Do you think Dean-o would fuck her or he is strictly into holy dick right now?

\- Sir? 

\- Sam!

A slap on the table makes him jump back into reality, Lucifer dissapears so he focuses on Dean's face, he had a hand on the table, making him the source of the earlier sound.

\- Your order...sir?

\- Just black coffee.

Sam smiles but Dean roles his eyes.

\- Black coffee my ass...bring him some veggie stuff...or waffles, yes bring him waffles.

The waitress smiled, like she actually enjoyed the order as she turned around on her heels, anuncing she will be back in a few minutes.

Dean looked at the spot Sam was staring at before, trying to keep a normal, neutral face.

\- How long?

\- How long...what?

Sam asked in return.

\- How long you been seeing him? Is he here now? Sammy, you know he isn't real, right?

Sam looks down, playing with his hands under the table.

\- I know he isn't real.

Dean face turned to relief, which made Sam crack a small smile.

\- He was here, dissapeared when you... slapped your hand. And... I don't know...a few months? Soon after I got my soul back.

\- Months?

Dean felt bad, he should've noticed, and when he should've said something sooner.

Sam nods.

\- Why didn't you told us? 

Sam shrugs. What could he answer? Because he didn't want to destroy his happiness? Because he thought he deserves it? 

Dean sighs, he prepared a longer speech but the waitress came back with two big plates of waffles, strawberries, whipped cream and other sweet delicious unhealthy candies.

Dean takes the fork, basically drolling when he looks over at Sam who took the mug with coffee instead.

\- Eat.

He said simply and after started to dig himself into the delicious sweetness.

Sam takes a few bites, he wasn't a big fan of sweets but even he had to admit this tasted really good.

He chuckles.

\- You look like you haven't eaten in days.

\- Months even.

Castiel said, with a wide smile as he leaned over and clean Dean's face with a paper napkin from the table.

He still had whipped cream on his face.

\- This is delicious.

Sam was smiling widely, Dean liked that.

It suited him,he looked good like that, smiling and happy.

Dean promised himself to appreciate it more, his brothers smiles, and to make them happen as often as he can.

He finds himself smiling too.

\- So, about the case...

Sam started but Dean gesticulated as a no with his hand and after a little more chewing, he continued:

\- I'll handle it, you and Cas take the day off.

\- Day off?

Sam repeated, full of daubs.

\- Yes, go to a hairstyle saloon, watch tv, drink beer... whatever.

He says, showing another fork full of waffles in his mouth.

\- Dean, I can work the case!

\- I know you can...Just, relax a little, maybe it's stress, take some time off. Let me work it.

Sam looked unpleased, letting his fork down.

\- No. Besides, it helps, having something to focus on. And what if you need back-up? 

\- I don't need back-up. I'm.. 

\- ...You are not Batman.

Sam's bitch face made Dean smile.

\- Listen, Sammy...

\- No, Dean, look...

Sam thought of a comprise, he was glad Dean wanted to protect him but he liked hunting and he couldn't relax anyway, knowing Dean was hunting alone.

-...what if we work the case and then take a few days off, all of us?

Dean swallows the food, thinking it's good enough.

He nods.

\- Alright.

\- What are we hunting?

Castiel finally joined the conversation, looking at the boys.

Dean smiled widely, clearly pleased.

\- Zombies.

\- Zombies?

\- Zombies.

Dean smiled widely, clearly pleased.

\- A guy claimed to see his dead neighbor walking in his old house, where a family moved...now dead.

Sam cleared and Castiel noded.

\- We should go talk to them.

Castiel said but Dean shook his head.

\- I go, I can do interviews alone. You and Sam ...watch TV, do yoga or whatever.

Castiel made his usual confused face while Dean stood up, taking the last piece of waffles with him.

\- Eat.

Dean pointed to the almost untouched plate sitting in front of Sam.

Sam wanted to protest, saying he can with him, that this wasn't their deal but he was cut off by Dean leaning over the table, kissing Castiel, some cream remaining on the angel's face.

Dean wipes him off with his thumb.

\- Make sure he eats, yeah? I'll go change and talk to the people.

Dean pats Sam's shoulder before leaving.

They watch him leave and Sam scoops the waffles with his fork for a few minutes, the imagine of Dean and Castiel kissing glued to his retina.

\- Let's go.

Sam said, wanting to sit up but he found himself stopped by Castiel's hand on his shoulder.

\- Eat first.

Sam looked at the plate, still full.

\- I'm not really hungry.

\- You can order something else, not everybody can ingest the amount of sugar Dean likes to eat.

Sam looked at the angel's hand, still on his shoulder.

\- It's not that, I'm just not ...hungry.

Castiel looked at him without changing his expression of concern.

\- You lost weight lately.

Sam smiled, thankful for the care and leaned over the plate, taking a bite from the waffles.

Castiel finally takes off his hand, for which Sam is thankful internally.

He takes another bite, slowly chewing while Castiel watches him ....more like stares at him.

\- You know what goes well with waffles, Sammy?

Sam raises his eyes, looking at the boot where Dean used to sit, in the middle of it now sits Lucifer, chin rested on his hand and looking at him with interest.

Sam tries to ignore him, concentrating on his food.

He looks back at the plate, now the once golden waffles were putrid and the cream a greenish, sick color, the candies were gone, now the plate infested with worms.

Sam could feel the horrible taste in his mouth.

He spits it out, pushing the plate away and sits up.

\- Worms.

Lucifer answers his own question with a satisfied grin.

That's the reason Sam lost weight lately.

He thought to himself as he looked at Castiel sitting up, coming close to him.

\- What happened, Sam?

\- Nothing. Can we go?

Castiel nods and Sam leaves some dollar bills on the table before leaving.

The angel follows him back to the motel room.


End file.
